Finding the New Norm

A week ago today I was getting ready to blog about what was happening in my world of fitness and training for an upcoming 10K. Life was pretty normal, if I do say so..

Instead, life decided to throw my family a curve ball, a wicked kind, my sister, Tanya passed away. 

My sister was very sick three years ago, she had Guillain-Barre  & Miller-Fisher Syndromes. Two very complicated and unknown syndromes that many doctors don't know much about because they are so rare and the origin is unknown. It affects 1-2 people out of 100,000. Treatment was like trial and error. The ICU doctor was fantastic he always had a backup plan and was completely honest and sympathetic to our needs. We had three months of preparing for the inevitable because she couldn't just get better she had many ups and downs. There were countless nights we had the two hour trip back to the hospital because she took a turn for the worse. This time it was completely unexpected... 

In true Tanya nature, she didn't just have a slight case of this syndrome she had the worse case of it and for three months she was the sickest person in ICU.  She had to be a pain in the ass for both her family and doctors lives. She was always good about that... My family's lives were put on hold I cancelled my trip to Italy, my brother and sister barely worked, our parents barely worked because we needed to be there. My sister and I did our online course work in the family waiting room. Coffee really was our best friend during that summer. Tanya slowly started to get better and when the doctor decided to wake her up out of a coma, we could see the light and the worse was over. 

Tanya hadn't known the heartache we felt during that time. We prayed and wished many things for her recovery. She did lose three months of her life in a coma and I'll never know how that made her feel. It was a rough road to recover and she was taking it at her pace. If anyone knew Tanya, she did EVERYTHING her way.  But she was on the mend and we were okay with that.

A couple weeks ago, she started to get sick again, it was a bad cold. An infection started the syndrome the last time. Maybe Tanya knew what was happening to her body again or she was ready to understand it more. I believe she was finally ready to know, so when she called me two weeks ago to have me research information on those syndromes I should have known it was because she was doubting her treatment. 

Sadly, I hadn't gotten around to it because she said I had time to do it before I came home to see everyone this month. Maybe she knew this was coming and she was trying to comfort us with the information she wanted me to search. She didn't die from the syndromes, she was choking and couldn't help herself with the trachea, which she had obtained during the sickness. 

I don't understand why and I know I never will. We are trying to move forward as she wants us to.  She was the type of person who NEVER judged you by your looks, your friends, and your aspirations. She knew there was good in everyone and that is what she encouraged within them. She was a great friend, a great sister, and a great daughter. We may not have loved how she was exceptionally well rehearsed in telling us how it was with the dirty, hard facts of the situation but we loved her any way. You always knew how to keep us on our toes. 

Now a week later, we are trying to move forward....slowly... Looking for the new norm. We have a new hole in us and I try very much to fill it with memories. It's not always easy but I know you  want the very best for us. As a family we love and miss you very much but we know you are at peace and will be looking over us. 

I will make that trip to Belgium, Netherlands, and Germany for us and take plenty of pictures of the architect and craziness that you read about :) 

Thanks for being a wonderful sister that always encouraged me to be a better person. Thanks for being with us as we said our goodbyes!!